Joke of the Day, Issues Wrapped in Tissues
December 23, 2016
I used to be The Turd in the Punch Bowl type. I was spiteful, mean, vindictive. I still am; but only in shorter variables.
I was a social media vampire. I would do anything to suck the life energy out of everything and everyone until my victims spiraled down into a state of utter misery. It helped get me through the day.
I had so many issues. I rewrapped them as Christmas presents: “guess what Billy? I’ve got terminal cancer. Happy Birthday Billy! You get to celebrate life while I try to escape death. How does that make you feel, Billy? Are you going to celebrate my death day? Happy Death Day Billy! Now have your cake and eat it too you little bastard!”