Weekly Humor, Tell the Kids to Put Down the Phones and Start Acting like Adults
December 28, 2016
— science fiction, technology
Today’s technology is so advanced we’re carrying phones with more computing power than Apollo eleven. The closest this generation will come to launching a rocket into space is dick pics to Russian Spammers. We should fear a world run by emotionless robots thanks to phone technology.
Text messaging has made the need for carrier pigeons and wax stamp sigils almost completely impractical. Now we can send secure secret messages instead of smoke signals. I used to think it was smart phones that lower our nation’s moral and intellectual standards; before realizing it’s always been this way. Smart phones simply made it easier for the public.
We live in a world where our greatest feat of engineering is the Great Pyramid Scheme. It’s like we live in a giant conspiracy where everything we’re taught is lies and everything swept out of public interest is closer to the story of humanity. This life is an escape from ourselves because of the suppression of truth through distraction. At the core of this mystery is this fact- hey, is that a military grade helicopter outside my window.
The corporations will eventually get bought out by an evil computer intelligence: Steve Job’s holographic image after his preserved brain, heart and testicles are wired into cyber space. He’ll start a war against Nikola Tesla’s lifework with the most powerful Nano bots in the world. His legacy will be shattered like the glass screen after dropping the model of his latest I Phone.
Aliens are going to come down and ask how the Great Pyramids were built. We’re going to be too busy on our Genius Phones to pay attention. The genius phone is medical operation that installs cameras in the patient’s eyes, speakers in the patient’s ears, a microphone in the patient’s mouth and has the information stored in the patient’s brain. You can also make calls with your thoughts.
People will be taken selfies off of reflective surfaces when aliens come down. Republicans will use the opportunity to squeeze every bit of weapons technology out the aliens as the Democrats keep busy handing them out free citizenship and college scholarships. Alien Conspiracy Sites, India, China and Russia would be the only ones talking about it. Citizens will see a beam shoot into the sky out of the corner their electric eye and store it on a cloud site they never use. They still don’t believe that an alien life form walked up to them and waved at them during that ten hour Mind Craft coma.