My relationships are always sink or swim. I’m her Lifesaver. She’s my anchor.
I’m waiting for that one to come along who goes, “meh, I probably could have done better if I tried but I could have done worse for not trying”.
I think the problem is I don’t set my standards high enough. I feel that love is something felt and not controlled. Which is why my relationship strategy is simple: shoot blindly into the dark and hope it hits a unicorn.
It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s just that I hate the dating game. You go out on a date. Dress your best. Act larger than life. Lie through your teeth. Sell yourself professionally like this was a job interview. And like a job interview, if you take over the position, you eventually come to realize that person judging you on every little thing has problems.
The worst date I’ve ever been on ended in her going home with her ex boyfriend. She even got a random guy’s phone number at the bar where I met I couple of her friends. She spent the night gaining referrals. I went home and left it at that.
But like it matters because all my relationships seem to end the same anyways. They run after a pack of cigarettes and I move to different state; or I run after a pack of cigarettes and they move their ex boyfriend back in.
I think it’s because relationships for me become prison sentences over time. Six months to life with a 98 percent ratio that I’ll get abused in the shower. Either that, your their ex will get out of prison; and they’ll realize that crazed wild sex is hotter than sexual harmony. I’m tired of girls who decide to grow up and start dating black guys. I’m looking for love
I’m sorry ladies. I try to be a great lover. I have my strong and my weak point. I am only human trying to contain my hardships. Let it fester deep inside into a acidic substance that’s led to my total moral, ethical and spiritual decay. After all, it’s apart of growing up!
But mostly. I just want to grow as a blogger and Author by finding a woman willing to put in the effort into herself and into our relationship and into our family. The thought itself is pure bliss.