Open the Vox

Open the Vox

Open the Vox

A Reactive approach to Enlightenment

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10 Symbols of Opulence My Rich Fans Should Buy Me

April 26, 2017 ,


rolex gold watch

1. Here is an image of a Rolex Special Edition Rainbow Gold Daytona. The exact same watch you’re going to buy for me. 


They say time is priceless unless you own a Gold Watch. Then every second is really expensive. I’m guessing this is why corporations are so obsessed with people being on time. When every second costs a years salary. I to would probably take time more serious.


mail order bride

2. Image is taken from Unlike my last submission. You’ll get yours someday, Listverse. Oh yeah, Mail Order Bride. I’m tired of all these American girls. I want a worldly woman. So buy me one.


I think we all want a Gold Watch at one point or another. It’s the most pretentious thing you could ever own. A fountain pen is pretty pretentious but at least that lets you write out your angry manifesto. A Steel Blade Katana made by Traditional Japanese Blacksmiths is pretty pretentious but it’ll still protect your family in close range combat.


plane ticket to anywhere but here

3. Plane Ticket to Anywhere but here. If you and Your rich friends don’t like my Website. Then feel free to buy me a plane ticket and send me somewhere far away- like the moon. 


A Gold Watch keeps track of time in a designated time zone. Which is Ironic because most people who own gold watches do a lot of traveling outside their own time zone. That means every time someone readjusts their watch. They gotta ask someone who owns a digital watch for the precise time.


Montegrappa Sterling Silver Alchemist Fountain Pen

4.  An Image of the Montegrappa Fountain Pen Series Alchemist. The Exact same pen you’re going to buy me for feeling guilty for not being able to afford the Rolex.


But how else is someone supposed to know you’re a success? I always believed that our gold is within all of us- but that doesn’t necessarily help pay the bills. Sure I could tell you some pearls of wisdom. I could give you a whole chain of them. But we’d still rather have the Pearl Necklace especially if it was uncultured Black Pearls from South Eastern Asia.


Blue Nile Tahitian Peal Necklace 14K White Gold

5. 18K White Gold Tahitian Cultured Pearl Necklace from Blue Nile Jewelry. I’ll accept nothing less except 6. Unmarked Hundreds and Raw Gold Nuggets. I also except 7. Blood Diamonds, however, I will need authenticity to make sure it’s, in fact, a real Blood Diamond. 


You always hear Comedians talk about how nice the places are they visit. Let me see- Airport, auditorium, hotel, Airport. You literally spend your entire visit in the only three clean cultured places in Town. I never hear of a Comedian walking through the Heart of Compton wearing a Rolex for shits and giggles- at least not one who lived to tell about it.


cottage in the woods

8. Cottage in the Woods. Please buy me a cabin in the woods. I’d even take a hand me down cottage. I have experience in construction. 


It’s absurd. People talk about traveling like it’s the most dangerous profession in the world. Miami in the 80’s was listed as one of the most dangerous cities in the world. Chicago is nicknamed Chiraq because of all the bloodshed. That maybe traveling is dangerous in general. It’s called being in the wrong place at the wrong time.


katana sword

9. Because I’d still rather own a Katana than a Delorian. So buy me one.


I mean, would you drive around Graceland in a Delorian wearing an Armani Suit with Gold Rings and Alligator Boots showing off your Blackberry as you shout at the homeless- “Look, the future. Look, everyone, the future!”



10. The Amphibious Motorcycle by Gibbs. Bringing fun and seriousness together on your bank statement. 


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