10 Symbols of Opulence My Rich Fans Should Buy Me
April 26, 2017
— Gold Watch, Wealth
They say time is priceless unless you own a Gold Watch. Then every second is really expensive. I’m guessing this is why corporations are so obsessed with people being on time. When every second costs a years salary. I to would probably take time more serious.
I think we all want a Gold Watch at one point or another. It’s the most pretentious thing you could ever own. A fountain pen is pretty pretentious but at least that lets you write out your angry manifesto. A Steel Blade Katana made by Traditional Japanese Blacksmiths is pretty pretentious but it’ll still protect your family in close range combat.
A Gold Watch keeps track of time in a designated time zone. Which is Ironic because most people who own gold watches do a lot of traveling outside their own time zone. That means every time someone readjusts their watch. They gotta ask someone who owns a digital watch for the precise time.
But how else is someone supposed to know you’re a success? I always believed that our gold is within all of us- but that doesn’t necessarily help pay the bills. Sure I could tell you some pearls of wisdom. I could give you a whole chain of them. But we’d still rather have the Pearl Necklace especially if it was uncultured Black Pearls from South Eastern Asia.
You always hear Comedians talk about how nice the places are they visit. Let me see- Airport, auditorium, hotel, Airport. You literally spend your entire visit in the only three clean cultured places in Town. I never hear of a Comedian walking through the Heart of Compton wearing a Rolex for shits and giggles- at least not one who lived to tell about it.
It’s absurd. People talk about traveling like it’s the most dangerous profession in the world. Miami in the 80’s was listed as one of the most dangerous cities in the world. Chicago is nicknamed Chiraq because of all the bloodshed. That maybe traveling is dangerous in general. It’s called being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I mean, would you drive around Graceland in a Delorian wearing an Armani Suit with Gold Rings and Alligator Boots showing off your Blackberry as you shout at the homeless- “Look, the future. Look, everyone, the future!”