Bullsh*t is Humanities Magic Power

As a young man I wondered how come smart guys never seem to have sex. I mean if you’re smart, how come you’re not smart enough to get laid every once in a while. Than it dawned on me: the difference between smart guys and stupid people is one fundamental difference: Smart guys don’t laid enough and dumb guys get laid way more than they should.

Take school for example. In elementary school everyone is roughly on the same page: kick some balls around, score a couple of star stickers and you look at the opposite sex like, well people.

But by high school you notice the smart kids never seem to grow up. They kinda stick to their studies. Maybe find a girlfriend they can spoon with on the weekends but that’s about it. Than you’ve got the jocks and the popular kids who throw away their studies, quit showing up to class and get all arrogant. You know why? Their getting laid all the time.

When you’re not getting pussy, you have the time to think beyond your wiener; and have big plans about social reform and building an aqueduct in order to bring fresh water to the people. But when you’re getting laid, you’re all like “I don’t have time for this shit. I’m a busy man, so tell your bitch to fetch a pail and get the damn water herself if its that much of an inconvenience”.

And this is why we hire stupid people for top political positions. Because we don’t want to see a nice fresh faced president who never gets laid. That makes us look bad. We want that dirty rotten lying bastard because he’s a reflection of ourselves. Because lets face it, the guy who cares about us more than then he does his own dick makes us down right uncomfortable.

This is why people think Lincoln is gay. Lincoln wasn’t gay. As a child, he carved the wood nails they used to hold the lid shut on his mothers coffin. That’s some real man shit, not this modern day faggot shit where a doctor comes in and tells you mommies going away on a vocation and hope you connect the dots when you get older.Nope. Sorry Abe, time to put those carpentry skills to use.

But Lincolns a great example of this because when Lincoln was a young man, he was a bachelor  politician famous for using wit to publicly mock his political opponents. He didn’t care about woman, he didn’t care about native American rights, he didn’t care about freeing the slaves. You know why? He was getting laid all the time.

Then he got married, quits getting laid all the time and next thing you know, he’s suddenly got time to read, has big plans for social reform and frees the slaves. Why? Because he’s not getting laid anymore, that’s why.

And that’s where all this, Lincoln must have been gay shit stems from. People forget their use to be a time before tv warped our mind full of Viagra and bullshit. Plus, the dudes kids died on him left and right. I mean, how many times do you have to go threw seeing your own children die in front of your eyes before your dick goes out? Where’s the historical reevaluation of that aspect of Lincoln’s life.

And really, the only reason why a guy  becomes full of shit is to get laid because the way a woman knows if you’re sexually active or not is by being completely full of shit. It’s a vicious cycle.

I knew a guy from high school who asked a girl out only to get turned down because she already had a boyfriend. He said, “so what, I have a girlfriend, what’s the big deal?” You know what she did? Bought a wedding ring and purposed to him. Do you know why? Because, he’s full of shit.

When Ted Bundy was on death row, he had woman purpose to him- and this was after he murdered all those woman. You know why? Because he was the right kind of smart. He was that charming, manipulative, weave an illusion to so well that when you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror, you don’t even know who the fuck you are anymore kind of smart. That’s the number one quality a woman looks for in man.

I mean why do you think woman like jerks and bad boys? Because their full of shit, a clear sign that your sexually active, that’s it. If you want to sustain a relationship, pretend like you know all the answers. That’s it. Lie. Pretend like you’re like invincible and are going to live forever.

Take for example the fact that they introduced American Television to some otherwise isolated part of the world. Before American television, these woman were cool, they were secure about their looks and weren’t obsessed with material things. Than blam! After less than a month of being polluted by Hollywood’s toxic leftovers, the woman started dressing all slutty, divorces went up and morality went down.

That’s the true power of our bullshit. We as a species have gotten so good at being so full of shit that we build entire civilizations  around it. Look at where we are today-we  let the fake corporations control our genetically modified food supply, and for what? So we can protect our paper gold  used so your old lady can afford a pair of fake tits.

bullshit-in-civilization
A potent representation of how bullshit can lift you higher and farther than you could without it.

And the thing is we can change anytime we want but the reason we don’t is because woman hold onto that bullshit and man might die alone in a cave crying in the fetal position like a little bitch but he will die standing to keep his girls legs from closing in

Don’t believe me? Look at religion. You think religion has had such a profound cultural impact because men wanted to give away their power and authority to an effeminate man in a white dress can tell you he has all the answers? No. It’s because while the rest of the tribe was away on the hunt, this pansy was filling the woman up will bullshit trying to get lad. That’s it.

Thousands of years of religious warfare not fought over whose bullshit is greater than the others. It was because their woman folk weren’t putting out until they proven their loyalty to that particular brand of bullshit.

Still don’t believe me? Look at Mormonism. You wouldn’t think that a smart, rational, down to earth, independent, mature, freethinking woman would fall for that shit. Then you go to Salt Lake City and you’re like what the fuck, where did I go wrong?

These woman had a choice. These weren’t Persian concubines. These were American woman who decided that sharing a man with several other woman was still better than trying to make it on your own. Why find love and truth when you can help some sack of shit snake oil salesman fund a city of pansies who believe that some dude found an ancient Egyptian tablet left by Jesus and his disciples in some obscure New England cave. And you know why he did it? He wanted a monopoly on pussy because that’s true wealth and power. And so he rounded up all the good ones crazy enough to find security in his bullshit and left the gold digging skanks for the rest of us sifter through. And that’s why Joseph Smith had to die.

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