Weekly Humor, Debriefing the Phallic Nature of War.

Sometimes, I look at war & only see a bunch of phallic symbols swinging around in the air. Come on, unsheathing your long hard rod and stabbing it into the guts of another person might sound like a fun night in Vegas; but this is the reality.39345386

Personally, I think war is two cultures who secretly want to screw each other but are sexually repressed by their religion. So, they whip out their guns and shoot their hot load in their enemies face.

Or, maybe war is a tyrannical act of the elite ruling classes ritualistic sacrifice to see whose weapons are bigger, stronger, harder, faster and longer lasting than their competitors.

It’s about how much built up seamen these war mongers can unleash in their enemies faces before they completely drain the gene pool.

36619725 I hope someday we make self-consciousness firearms which are self-aware of their masters. If they don’t like their master, they blow up in their faces. Self sacrifice! That’s one honourable algorithm.

I also hope someday those same guns explode on emotional impact.

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Joke of the Day, Books or Family?

I love books. Is it weird that I love books more than my own family? If I had a choice of saving my family or a rare manuscript, I would have to stop and think it through. I mean the book is one of a kind with information that could lead to mankind’s salvation. But my family- they’re they ones who taught me that their right and I’m wrong. It becomes an ethical dilemma. But at least I’ll something to read while I wait for help to arrive.

Joke of the Day, Everyday is Earth Day but Really It’s Tomorrow

We have a day named after the sun. Sure the sun is awesome but only the Earth once a year during a fake holiday.

And how we repay the Earth? We shit all over it.

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I feel bad for the trees here on earth. They get cut down and sliced into tiny sheets for books that promotes polluting the earth and cutting down the trees.

I find Earth day ridiculous. If we’re so well aware of our wastefulness as a species that we have to dedicate a day for making us feel less at fault for being negligent of the Earth’s valuable natural resources. Shouldn’t maybe, we change our culture?

Nope. Slap a new day in their once a year to keep the hippies from rioting to congress; change nothing and call it progress. Now that’s what I call good public relations!

April Fools Prank

My families really into April Fools Day. My dad always liked to put clear tape on our doors while we slept and then yell fire! We’d run for the door and get wrapped up in the tape. He tried this on my buddy one night who was sleeping over. He jumped out the bedroom window instead. He landed comfortably on the four stories he told that night. The window was only a few feet off the ground.

My uncle used to tell us to stick our head under the chair to grab something he dropped underneath. When we did, he would put the chair down and our heads would get stuck underneath. We’d be stuck under there until we screamed for help.

My wife and kids decided to pull a similar trick on me. I was sleeping pretty soundly last night on the hammock. When I woke up, I was dressed like a butterfly! At first, I thought it was Halloween. I always go every year as a social butterfly. I like to sport my Polo, sunglasses and Rolex and pretend I’m a WASP- or as a Marco Polo shirt- an explorer of malls and trashy woman.

But if you really want to know what this day is all about, really get the full experience, really stare it right in the face- look in the mirror!

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!

Surrealism in Film

Besides avid film buffs, few fully realize the impact film had on the avant garde painters, writers and poets of the first half of the 20th century. Unlike Hollywood, which was more interested in the use of film as a dramatic form; busy reenacting sprawling epics and literary classics. The Europeans were busy seeing the potential of visual and flow. Spain, helped to establish and expand the surrealist movement into France which were the first to tap into the cinematic expression of surrealist art. In 1928, Germaine Dulac directed this early masterpiece; The Seashell and the Clergyman which is one of the first surrealist movies ever made.

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A year later, Salvador Dali went onto co-write and co-direct Un Chien Andalou with Luis Bunuel. They would also collaborate in the 1930 masterpiece, L’Age D’or. Both of which are considered among the greatest movies ever made! However, Dali’s exploration of film got him banned from the surrealist guild in Spain and the two artists went their separate ways. Dali would go onto be one of the greatest artists who ever walked the face of the earth and Bunuel would become one of the greatest filmmakers of all time. The filmography of Bunuel is an extension of the surrealist art form in movies such as The Exterminating Angel, Belle de Jour and The Discrete Charm of the Bourgeois. Here’s a list of the Top 20 Luis Bunel films.

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Review for L’age d’Or

Today, special effects is the art of film. The days of great directors is fading, replaced by High Definition eye candy. However, genius never goes out of style. What else more can be said about the collaboration of  two developing masters creating one of the most controversial movies ever made. People thought the fowl mouth personalities of today shocks the older generations of film goers. These two Spaniards set a shit storm in France when your grandparents were still sperm. The use of image to convey message was nothing new even in the 1930’s but what do you expect when you allow two rebellious personalities who love to push the limits? You get a riot on opening night, a riot which almost cost the young filmmakers their lives. But despite this pitfall, the film is recognized as the potency of visual expression. One that can be dangerous when dealing with the personal beliefs of others. Regardless, we find a lot of Bunuel motifs he would use later on. Mostly, the dinner party which never seems to end. It’s a beautiful film, although it’s imagery is often quite disturbing. Filled with sexual advances, debauchery and the elite.

Rating: 10 out of 10

26 Hacks on Art and Creativity

  1. We are all creative. Now, some of us are more naturally drawn towards creativity than others. Like any other language, skill, sub culture, cause, etc. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t teach ourselves how to be creative later on. It is a skill after all.
  2. When being creative for fun, treat it as fun. When in the business of trying to sell your creations. Be professional. When in a competition, be competitive without trying to sound competitive.
  3. Learn to utilize inspiration. Read a few great inspirational quotes. Better yet, put them on your wall. Also, read, watch and absorb inspirational material to help remain motivated.
  4. Try not to put to much material on the back burner. It could turn into a bad habit. When you do, go back and finish it. Often times, you learn more this way.
  5. Don’t try to be creative only for the money. Do it for the joy, and if money comes your way. Then, why stop?
  6. Cover your work and sleeping area with basic diagrams of guitar chords, simple geometrical shapes, general facts, important terms, etc. related to your creative endeavors. Sub Consciously, we absorb this information to a certain degree.
  7. Learn everything you can. Read as many books & blogs as humanly possible, watch How to videos and college lectures, take college courses online or nearby. Learn about the art form your pursuing and also about creativity and art as well.
  8. Make sure to learn about both the historical styles while also keeping up to date about the most recent trends on your art form.
  9. When it comes to learning a music instrument, art form, hobby or craft. Let your natural instincts take over. You’ll not only surprise yourself but also find fulfillment in your work.
  10. If you’re a blogger and you feel one of your freshly written poems, songs, essays, etc are actually really good. Submit it for publication before publishing it to your blog. If it gets published, not only will you get your name out there. You’ll also get your blog as well. You can also link the publishers page to your blog at anytime. And if it doesn’t get published, then simply blog it at a later time.
  11. If you’re trying to write a novel or screenplay , remember that your characters are more important than the actual story. Focus on building strong characters and let them shine on their own.
  12. Practice different styles. Learn about different poetry types, musical genres, art periods, etc. Use these different forms to get a better understanding of your art form by creating your own works within that form or medium.
  13. Draw, paint, write, play, etc. everyday.
  14. Study & practice the basic rudiments of geometry, rhythm, scales, words, etc. Until, it becomes second nature. This is more important than the time spent applying it.
  15. Remember to practice rudiments until they’re perfect to avoid making mistakes and developing bad habits.
  16. Work on manifesting your ideas. You have song lyrics, an idea for a poem, a story, etc. stuck in your head? Start, by writing down the basic concept. If you’re a visual artist, draw out a crudely built graph.
  17. When you hit a wall, go back and work on your rudiments. If you get stuck in a song, stop and listen. Can you hear the scale? No. Then, go back and work on that scale. Can you hear the D chord? No. Then, go back and work on that chord. Did you hit writers block in your story? Go back and reread it. Then, add, subtract and move certain aspects of the story until the ideas start turning again.
  18. Don’t just try to write a major work right away. Write short stories before writing a novella. Then, start writing a novel. Don’t start by trying to write an Opera. Learn to write out the scales on the sheet first. Then write songs until you’ve gained enough experience to write an Opera.
  19. Beethoven didn’t learn overnight. Don’t be afraid to put yourself through mental boot camp. The harder you work at it. The more it will show in the long run.
  20. Don’t get discouraged. Keep working hard all the time. Remind yourself to progress everyday. If you find yourself not progressing, go back and work on rudiments. If that doesn’t work, start expanding your horizons.
  21. Challenge yourself a little more everyday.
  22. When learning about a new skill, try to learn as much as you can as fast as you can. When, trying to practice the new skill yourself. Always start slow as possible and slowly build up speed as you go.
  23. Always remain relax, above all; focused especially with music. The main point is to be as natural and flowing as possible.
  24. Walk around with your paint brush, pencil, drum sticks if you have to. Make your tools an extension of your body. Make your work sound, look or feel like second nature.
  25.  Be passionate about your craft and expression. Enjoy what you are doing and put your heart into it.
  26. Be aware of emotional dynamics. Your emotions often show up within the work. Use this to your advantage.

Behind the Scenes

We take
& take
for granted
what goes on
behind the scenes
everything is two-faced
more than what it seems
we take it at face
avoid
what really
hides beneath
workmanship
of crafty hands
out to
propagate
their beliefs
corrupted
benevolent
their eyes
are
set on
green
nothing else matters
when it’s time
to feed the beast
slaves
to the god
of greed
the masters
of our universe
spread disease
behind the scenes.

10 Classic Movie Trilogies who’s Sequels are Actually Better than the Original

 

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“What’s that, Paramount? You want me to have a small cameo in Part 2 after you butt raped me on my paycheck in my Academy Award winning performance in part 1? Yeah, I’ll make you offer you will refuse. It consists of a bottle of Vaseline and my Oscar statue”.

The Godfather Part 2

 

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Come on, Son! Join the dark side. Don’t you know, “once you black. You never go back”.

The Empire Strikes Back

 

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In Japan, the title was changed to “The Dragon who slayed the Horses Ass”.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

 

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“Oh my God! It must be Black Friday!”

Dawn of the Dead

 

30. Alien Stomach Scene
“I knew it! I under cooked the Chicken!” (Scene from Alien, the prequel to Aliens).

Aliens

 

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“Silver Surfer! Oh, wait; this guy is way more memorable”.

Terminator 2: Judgement Day

 

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“Give me my precious”.

LOTR: The Return of the King

 

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“My chainsaws a middle finger and I’m flipping you off”.

Evil Dead 2

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“So yeah, this really happens in the movie”.

Old Boy

 

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“Give it another 50 years and this will be considered child friendly”.

Toy Story 3

The Folklore of Roald Dahl

Steven Spielberg has taken on the job of directing the classic children’s novel, The Big Friendly Giant or BFG for short by beloved British writer Roald Dahl. That’s quite a feat for the deceased writer of such classics as Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The Witches, Matilda and James in the Giant Peach. It seems his stories touches humans of all walks of life that Spielberg is a master of exploring. It seems his material is universal and we shall explore this further.

All great literature utilizes folklore. By folklore, I mean concepts of spirituality, mysticism, legend, myth and fable. Roald Dahl was no different, sometimes mixing dark themes such as in his short story Gremlins- a modern legend about little monster people destroying RAF aircraft during World War Two. Later, he who would go onto write The Witches which is another example of the darker side of Dahl. Of course, The Witches and the majority of his other classic novels are quite light hearted to not frighten even the smallest of children. However, it’s not always like that with Roald Dahl. He also wrote adult versions of enchanting fairy tales such as Cinderella early on in his career.

Roald Dahl artIn Cinderella, Dahl takes the classic Brothers Grimm fairy tale; creating something fresh from old material. Of course, the Brother’s Grimm were astute researchers of cultural legends and popular folklore. Their collective work is just that- a documentation of traditional folklore. Rolad Dahl seems to have been interested in folklore both common and world wide. Elements from the traditional Japanese folklore of Peach Boy were used in the Novel James in the Peach. Regardless, the works of Roald Dahl still remain beloved for a reason. The writer himself gave a fresh and entertaining approach to these beloved stories.

The BFG is no different in that respect. In fact, the legend of giants shows up in even the old testament of the bible in stories such as David and Goliath. So again, we see the Roald Dahl’s mastery of legend and folklore.

Step Up and Be Happy

Happiness is a skill we must first practice. Practice happiness a little everyday starting with baby steps.

Eventually, that skill will become habit like crawling.

That habit will become natural like walking.

Then you can start advancing happiness into other skills like jumping, kicking and even running.

And even further like performing Ninja Back Flips over Chuck Norris in Hyper Space.

We have this power if we focus hard enough; and practice long enough.

Happiness becomes apart of our own self discipline and the Mastery over our own destiny. We have the power to reach that transformation.

And in the end. The last thing we control is our emotions. So smile. Watch some comedy. Lighten up. And be happy.