Writing before Computers

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It’s Amazing how much Technology has Changed. I’m only 26 & I can already say,

“I remember back in the day when all we had was pen & paper. We used to write in things called notebooks, journals or diaries. We read things called books. When we were interested in a familiar topic. We read magazines. For packing valuables, we had newspapers!

For information, we had libraries. Yes, kids. We had huge buildings where extensive catalogs of information was stored and shared via something we called a Library card. It looked similar to a excel page. We wrote our names in it and handed them to an administrator known as a librarian.

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When we wanted to write something, we kept it to ourselves. We didn’t share that shit with strangers on a blog. We simply wrote until our hand cramped up and we were covered in ink. And no, it wasn’t a cartridge you put in a computer.

We had this stick looking thing with a metal tip. Sometimes, we stuck feathers on them for decoration. When we wanted to email someone, we wrote what’s known as a letter. If you wanted to text some, you had carrier pigeons.

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Then, Apple came along and messed everything up! Now, we have e.books and kindles and pdf’s and mobile phones! All I had was this leather bound thing I put together using homemade paper I made out of pulp of old newspapers. Don’t even get me started on newspapers.

What’s black and white and never read newspapers! Now, we have websites, updates, RSS Feeds, and apps! We had to pay some little SOB to toss that news on our front doorstep! You should consider yourself convenience. You little whipper snapper!

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When will we rap? (it up)

What happened African American Culture? You used to be the shit. Jazz was like the Mount Everest of Music. You blew away white music, come on, Marching Band music? That’s the lamest shit ever.

Do you see rap being taught in College? Nope. Classical and Jazz.

That’s because Rap is like the country music of black culture. Yup. I said it.

In the beginning. Rap was a revolution. It painted the reality of life. Then- it became a marketing gimmick for suburban white misogynists- which is strange because that’s what country music used to be.

And, the Music Industry is all messed up. They expect you to dedicate your life to the craft, spend all your time mastering it, spend all your money to promote yourself, sell your soul to Satan- and then, maybe, with mass market appeal, the executives will own you and all of your music.

Wow. Do you want me too whip myself while I’m at it? My name is Def Jam. No, it’s Sony! My name is Def Jam. No, it’s Sony boy!

And what is with all these Rappers having past lives. I don’t even get to live in the present. Why do you get to live two lives when my family and country denies me one. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it.

Joke of the Day, Pistol Whipped in 2112

I hope someday they make self aware guns that explodes on emotional impact. “Sorry, Dave; you never took proper maintenance of me”. “Baby, I oiled you every day and maid sure safety always came first”. “Yeah, well when was the last time you took me apart and cleaned all my gears” says the gun exploding into a million pieces.

10 Ways to Succeed as a Hard Worker

images (3)I’ve done hard labor my entire life. No, I’ve never been to prison or jail or even arrested. My father owned a successful roofing business. Was it nepotism? No. I had to start at the bottom and work my way up. I became a valuable member of the team. I didn’t receive any special treatment and didn’t expect any in return. Here’s what I’ve learned from over tens years as a laborer.

  1. Keep your eyes on the work and not on watch. Yes, the work is hard. Nobody wants to do back-breaking labor for the compensation. The pay is low nowadays- fewer skills means less money. But, dragging your butt on the job makes the hours seem like days. If you keep working hard, the hours seem like minutes. Do it, make your money and someday become a big time hot.
  2. Look at it as a paid workout. Why pay big bucks for a gym membership when you could get paid for a well-rounded workout? Labor is good for the body. It helps pump blood through your body especially oxygen through that beautiful mind. That way you can now more clearly think over your plan to get out of this situation.
  3. It builds character. When you work hard and do a good job. You feel accomplished at the end of the day. It toughens you up and helps you grow as a person. We all have to start somewhere, so look at it as an opportunity instead of as a burden. Besides, it’s literally good for the heart. It’s also good for the part of your brain that’s hardened to disappointment.
  4. Respect comes from hard work. Nobody likes a lazy employee. Even if this is only a temporary position, take the benefits granted from hard work with you to every other job. Bosses love hard workers. Granted, you’ll become the one they’ll learn to depend on. Yet, that’s job security and that’s important later on down the road when you start building a family. Just don’t let your boss know how hard you actually work.
  5. It strengthens connections. You’ll gain lifelong friends along the way. Good people are found in all sectors of society. Being a hard worker always sticks. Having that trait makes you a valuable asset to any company. Don’t burn those bridges, you might find yourself needing that job later in life. It’s always something to fall back on. And if you become a big time hot shot, buy out their competitors and steal their workforce. That’s how a Japanese businessman exacts his revenge- and Wal-Mart.
  6. Skills develop naturally from exposure. Take even the most basic factory job. You’ll eventually learn how to use a forklift, you’ll see how the foreman does his job, etc. These skills will come to you once you learn your tasks well enough to absorb the duties of the other positions around you. This is true for any job or career. Just don’t let the foreman know you’re getting observant enough to do his job. Buy him alcohol for a present and let nature take care of the rest.
  7. Acquire a positive attitude. Be the best at everything you do in life even it’s scrubbing toilets for a living. By remaining positive, better opportunities will come your way. People catch onto that. You’ll become the one they go to when they need work to be done right. It builds trust and makes you valuable as an employee. Be positive but also an asshole or people will think you’re weak and will walk all over you. It’s a difficult balance to maintain especially on the road.
  8. Be the solution, not the problem. Being negative only places stress on yourself and the people around you. Try to make the situation better for everyone. Be the role model that leads by example. It’ll make the other workers around you try harder. Friendly competition goes along way, encourage others and they’ll be content with their work as well. This usually works best when working around women, men usually want to play mind games until they see which one will submit to the other. I prefer working with women.
  9. What you know now, benefits you later. Even if you go on to do something else, you can always take what you’ve learned and use it to make extra money. Maybe, a neighbor needs a roof done or a relative needs an extra helping hand. It’s a good way to make extra money on the side. It’s also a good reminder that you’re not a lazy fuck who thinks the world his here to cater to his needs.
  10. You’ll learn to relate to the plight of others. Knowing how it feels to work hard for your money is always a good trait in anybody espically in sales, public relations or customer service. You’re less likely to look down on others when you can put yourself in their shoes. Like why your fat stupid ugly boss is such a dick. You know that guys got issues.

How do you like your Coffee?

wm-frontWhen, people ask me “How I like my coffee?”

I usually respond with one of the following-

  • Black like my people.
  • Black like my metal.
  • Black like my comedy.
  • Black like the faint gleam of light that clouds my mind.

WHAO! That last one got a little toooooo poetic! Sorry, I’ll keep the blackness hidden within the bosom of my soul to myself! AH! I did it again!

I guess what they say is true. “Once you go black. You never go Half & Half”.

So, how do you like your coffee world?

The Night Sky

While outside on this beautiful night
looking up at the sky
wondering why
the constellations keep floating by?

Then I realized the reason why;
they are aircraft a flight
little helicopters hovering array
military jets soaring away.

They keep painting the canvas tonight
the human made aircraft shining bright
as the city saturates the sky with its lights
the light pollution keeps the universe out of sight.

Yet, we preserve this modern life,
we harvest phosphorescent energy like spice
as we wash away the skies
I see only mankind tonight.

Weekly Humor, Debriefing the Phallic Nature of War.

Sometimes, I look at war & only see a bunch of phallic symbols swinging around in the air. Come on, unsheathing your long hard rod and stabbing it into the guts of another person might sound like a fun night in Vegas; but this is the reality.39345386

Personally, I think war is two cultures who secretly want to screw each other but are sexually repressed by their religion. So, they whip out their guns and shoot their hot load in their enemies face.

Or, maybe war is a tyrannical act of the elite ruling classes ritualistic sacrifice to see whose weapons are bigger, stronger, harder, faster and longer lasting than their competitors.

It’s about how much built up seamen these war mongers can unleash in their enemies faces before they completely drain the gene pool.

36619725 I hope someday we make self-consciousness firearms which are self-aware of their masters. If they don’t like their master, they blow up in their faces. Self sacrifice! That’s one honourable algorithm.

I also hope someday those same guns explode on emotional impact.

Joke of the Day, Everyday is Earth Day but Really It’s Tomorrow

We have a day named after the sun. Sure the sun is awesome but only the Earth once a year during a fake holiday.

And how we repay the Earth? We shit all over it.

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I feel bad for the trees here on earth. They get cut down and sliced into tiny sheets for books that promotes polluting the earth and cutting down the trees.

I find Earth day ridiculous. If we’re so well aware of our wastefulness as a species that we have to dedicate a day for making us feel less at fault for being negligent of the Earth’s valuable natural resources. Shouldn’t maybe, we change our culture?

Nope. Slap a new day in their once a year to keep the hippies from rioting to congress; change nothing and call it progress. Now that’s what I call good public relations!

April Fools Prank

My families really into April Fools Day. My dad always liked to put clear tape on our doors while we slept and then yell fire! We’d run for the door and get wrapped up in the tape. He tried this on my buddy one night who was sleeping over. He jumped out the bedroom window instead. He landed comfortably on the four stories he told that night. The window was only a few feet off the ground.

My uncle used to tell us to stick our head under the chair to grab something he dropped underneath. When we did, he would put the chair down and our heads would get stuck underneath. We’d be stuck under there until we screamed for help.

My wife and kids decided to pull a similar trick on me. I was sleeping pretty soundly last night on the hammock. When I woke up, I was dressed like a butterfly! At first, I thought it was Halloween. I always go every year as a social butterfly. I like to sport my Polo, sunglasses and Rolex and pretend I’m a WASP- or as a Marco Polo shirt- an explorer of malls and trashy woman.

But if you really want to know what this day is all about, really get the full experience, really stare it right in the face- look in the mirror!

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS DAY!

Surrealism in Film

Besides avid film buffs, few fully realize the impact film had on the avant garde painters, writers and poets of the first half of the 20th century. Unlike Hollywood, which was more interested in the use of film as a dramatic form; busy reenacting sprawling epics and literary classics. The Europeans were busy seeing the potential of visual and flow. Spain, helped to establish and expand the surrealist movement into France which were the first to tap into the cinematic expression of surrealist art. In 1928, Germaine Dulac directed this early masterpiece; The Seashell and the Clergyman which is one of the first surrealist movies ever made.

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A year later, Salvador Dali went onto co-write and co-direct Un Chien Andalou with Luis Bunuel. They would also collaborate in the 1930 masterpiece, L’Age D’or. Both of which are considered among the greatest movies ever made! However, Dali’s exploration of film got him banned from the surrealist guild in Spain and the two artists went their separate ways. Dali would go onto be one of the greatest artists who ever walked the face of the earth and Bunuel would become one of the greatest filmmakers of all time. The filmography of Bunuel is an extension of the surrealist art form in movies such as The Exterminating Angel, Belle de Jour and The Discrete Charm of the Bourgeois. Here’s a list of the Top 20 Luis Bunel films.

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Review for L’age d’Or

Today, special effects is the art of film. The days of great directors is fading, replaced by High Definition eye candy. However, genius never goes out of style. What else more can be said about the collaboration of  two developing masters creating one of the most controversial movies ever made. People thought the fowl mouth personalities of today shocks the older generations of film goers. These two Spaniards set a shit storm in France when your grandparents were still sperm. The use of image to convey message was nothing new even in the 1930’s but what do you expect when you allow two rebellious personalities who love to push the limits? You get a riot on opening night, a riot which almost cost the young filmmakers their lives. But despite this pitfall, the film is recognized as the potency of visual expression. One that can be dangerous when dealing with the personal beliefs of others. Regardless, we find a lot of Bunuel motifs he would use later on. Mostly, the dinner party which never seems to end. It’s a beautiful film, although it’s imagery is often quite disturbing. Filled with sexual advances, debauchery and the elite.

Rating: 10 out of 10