About Open the Vox

Open the Vox is the Master Blog of Opened Vox Publishing or OVP, a WordPress site dedicated to showcasing the very best works from Comedy Writer and Iowa Resident Jordan Dumer’s many blogs found on places like twitter and blogger.

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Smart Phones should ban Stupid People

6de65b93e61b44acc1a1257676d95721I read somewhere that smart phones have more computing power than the Apollo 11 shuttle landing on the moon. Yet, I can’t find a decent GPS app for my phone- “Take a left into Lake Michigan”.

“The closest this generation will come to launching a rocket on the moon is Dick pics to Russian spammers.”- Guy Jay

Then you’ve got those adolescent crybabies who stand around with their phone in their hand, pushing my buttons. I begin to think. What are their kids going to be like?

“I fear a future run by emotionless robots- but enough about the smartphone generation.”- Guy Jay

They need to come out with an App that measures Smart Phone users stupidity factor. Every time you listen to pop music, the meter goes up into your forced to listen to classical music.

“I’m writing the first text message novella. It’s five thousand words written completely in acronyms”. – Guy Jay

10 Ways to Succeed as a Hard Worker

images (3)I’ve done hard labor my entire life. No, I’ve never been to prison or jail or even arrested. My father owned a successful roofing business. Was it nepotism? No. I had to start at the bottom and work my way up. I became a valuable member of the team. I didn’t receive any special treatment and didn’t expect any in return. Here’s what I’ve learned from over tens years as a laborer.

  1. Keep your eyes on the work and not on watch. Yes, the work is hard. Nobody wants to do back-breaking labor for the compensation. The pay is low nowadays- fewer skills means less money. But, dragging your butt on the job makes the hours seem like days. If you keep working hard, the hours seem like minutes. Do it, make your money and someday become a big time hot.
  2. Look at it as a paid workout. Why pay big bucks for a gym membership when you could get paid for a well-rounded workout? Labor is good for the body. It helps pump blood through your body especially oxygen through that beautiful mind. That way you can now more clearly think over your plan to get out of this situation.
  3. It builds character. When you work hard and do a good job. You feel accomplished at the end of the day. It toughens you up and helps you grow as a person. We all have to start somewhere, so look at it as an opportunity instead of as a burden. Besides, it’s literally good for the heart. It’s also good for the part of your brain that’s hardened to disappointment.
  4. Respect comes from hard work. Nobody likes a lazy employee. Even if this is only a temporary position, take the benefits granted from hard work with you to every other job. Bosses love hard workers. Granted, you’ll become the one they’ll learn to depend on. Yet, that’s job security and that’s important later on down the road when you start building a family. Just don’t let your boss know how hard you actually work.
  5. It strengthens connections. You’ll gain lifelong friends along the way. Good people are found in all sectors of society. Being a hard worker always sticks. Having that trait makes you a valuable asset to any company. Don’t burn those bridges, you might find yourself needing that job later in life. It’s always something to fall back on. And if you become a big time hot shot, buy out their competitors and steal their workforce. That’s how a Japanese businessman exacts his revenge- and Wal-Mart.
  6. Skills develop naturally from exposure. Take even the most basic factory job. You’ll eventually learn how to use a forklift, you’ll see how the foreman does his job, etc. These skills will come to you once you learn your tasks well enough to absorb the duties of the other positions around you. This is true for any job or career. Just don’t let the foreman know you’re getting observant enough to do his job. Buy him alcohol for a present and let nature take care of the rest.
  7. Acquire a positive attitude. Be the best at everything you do in life even it’s scrubbing toilets for a living. By remaining positive, better opportunities will come your way. People catch onto that. You’ll become the one they go to when they need work to be done right. It builds trust and makes you valuable as an employee. Be positive but also an asshole or people will think you’re weak and will walk all over you. It’s a difficult balance to maintain especially on the road.
  8. Be the solution, not the problem. Being negative only places stress on yourself and the people around you. Try to make the situation better for everyone. Be the role model that leads by example. It’ll make the other workers around you try harder. Friendly competition goes along way, encourage others and they’ll be content with their work as well. This usually works best when working around women, men usually want to play mind games until they see which one will submit to the other. I prefer working with women.
  9. What you know now, benefits you later. Even if you go on to do something else, you can always take what you’ve learned and use it to make extra money. Maybe, a neighbor needs a roof done or a relative needs an extra helping hand. It’s a good way to make extra money on the side. It’s also a good reminder that you’re not a lazy fuck who thinks the world his here to cater to his needs.
  10. You’ll learn to relate to the plight of others. Knowing how it feels to work hard for your money is always a good trait in anybody espically in sales, public relations or customer service. You’re less likely to look down on others when you can put yourself in their shoes. Like why your fat stupid ugly boss is such a dick. You know that guys got issues.

How do you like your Coffee?

wm-frontWhen, people ask me “How I like my coffee?”

I usually respond with one of the following-

  • Black like my people.
  • Black like my metal.
  • Black like my comedy.
  • Black like the faint gleam of light that clouds my mind.

WHAO! That last one got a little toooooo poetic! Sorry, I’ll keep the blackness hidden within the bosom of my soul to myself! AH! I did it again!

I guess what they say is true. “Once you go black. You never go Half & Half”.

So, how do you like your coffee world?

The Authors Personal Book Shelf

This is the Personal Book Shelf of Jordan Dumer, writer and owner of Open the Vox and Opened Vox Publishing.

SHELF ONE

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Books on Shelf: Great Mysteries of the Unexplained, The Elemental Encyclopedia of the Psychic World, Ritual and Belief, The Sacred Teachings of All Ages, The Hermetica, The I Ching, The Golden Verses of Pythagoras, The Kabbalah, Goethe’s Faust, The Divine Comedy with Illustrations by William Blake, The Complete Prose and Writing of William Blake, Utopia and New Atlantis, Prometheus Rising, Think and Grow Rich, The Ultimate Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, Comedy Writing Secrets, The Heart of Darkness

SHELF TWO

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Books on Shelf: Mysteries of the Past, Confuscious Analytics, Plato’s Five Great Dialouges, Aristotles Poetics, Beowulf, Think like di Vinci, The Complete Plays of Shakespeare, The Brothers Karamazov, The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Kwaidan, Brave New World, The Complete Stories of HP Lovecraft, Night Shift, Books of Blood, Writing Tools, Enlightened Leadership, Who Rules the World?, Stephen King On Writing.

SHELF THREE

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The Best that Money can’t Buy, Theories for Everything, The Oxford History of Music Vol. 1 Ancient and Oriental Music, 1001 Movies You Must See before you Die, The Gaelic Wars, The Complete Kama Sutra, The Last of the Mahicans, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living, Fahrenheit 451, A Confederacy of Dunces, Falling Up, The Comedy Bible, The Autobiography of Mark Twain, Treasure Island, Poems of Robert Frost   

 

The Night Sky

While outside on this beautiful night
looking up at the sky
wondering why
the constellations keep floating by?

Then I realized the reason why;
they are aircraft a flight
little helicopters hovering array
military jets soaring away.

They keep painting the canvas tonight
the human made aircraft shining bright
as the city saturates the sky with its lights
the light pollution keeps the universe out of sight.

Yet, we preserve this modern life,
we harvest phosphorescent energy like spice
as we wash away the skies
I see only mankind tonight.

Tangerine Tangent

Wavy
Fluid
tattered displays
of vibrant colors
dancing on drifts
of purplish hues
of crimson- yellow splattered oceans
on derivative beams of blackened suns
as pulsar spectral patterns spew forth
a golden ivory mirage of shiftless jaunts
upon the waking hours of the moon
casting down a shimmering aura upon the peoples
who dwell beyond the graves of mystical mountain footsteps.

Weekly Humor, Debriefing the Phallic Nature of War.

Sometimes, I look at war & only see a bunch of phallic symbols swinging around in the air. Come on, unsheathing your long hard rod and stabbing it into the guts of another person might sound like a fun night in Vegas; but this is the reality.39345386

Personally, I think war is two cultures who secretly want to screw each other but are sexually repressed by their religion. So, they whip out their guns and shoot their hot load in their enemies face.

Or, maybe war is a tyrannical act of the elite ruling classes ritualistic sacrifice to see whose weapons are bigger, stronger, harder, faster and longer lasting than their competitors.

It’s about how much built up seamen these war mongers can unleash in their enemies faces before they completely drain the gene pool.

36619725 I hope someday we make self-consciousness firearms which are self-aware of their masters. If they don’t like their master, they blow up in their faces. Self sacrifice! That’s one honourable algorithm.

I also hope someday those same guns explode on emotional impact.

Joke of the Day, Books or Family?

I love books. Is it weird that I love books more than my own family? If I had a choice of saving my family or a rare manuscript, I would have to stop and think it through. I mean the book is one of a kind with information that could lead to mankind’s salvation. But my family- they’re they ones who taught me that their right and I’m wrong. It becomes an ethical dilemma. But at least I’ll something to read while I wait for help to arrive.